Some were born lucky, some were born to fight

The quote in this blog post title came from a path post I saw over months ago. It was used, in the context that the original poster "OP" is someone who fights his / her way to their current position. From a lot of hard work, and chasing their dream. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the quote was, I am in the former category.

Yes, I was born lucky. So lucky that I don't know how it became that I can be taking a PhD here in DTU. I don't have any research experience nor do I have any publications to start, what else can I think of if I'm not lucky? This doesn't really happen instantly. Throughout my 24 years of living, luck has been the major factor if I could really relate them. I was born into a comfortable family. We're not that rich, but having more than 1 car and a 2 floor house is actually something to be thankful of. 

I don't really have all the gaming consoles or fancy toys when I was growing up, but I had enough toys to play with. I was lucky to be given a brain that can work itself easily. Maybe even myself getting into Indonesia's best (yes, you read that right) engineering school was also luck. I mean I didn't even study for the entrance exam (sort of giving up). When I was in ITB, I could often get an A with only 2-3 days of studying. 

Yes, there are some people who are more talented than me, but I was already better than the vast majority. It was not until my final year of my bachelor degree, that I realise how lucky and blessed I am for having this brain of mine. My supervisor said that I was DAMN LAZY, but thankfully I'm smart so I manage to score a lot of A's. I always thought I was already very hardworking then, but now that I'm in grad school scrolling through lots of papers, I know he was actually right. I had not trained myself discipline in understanding concepts, and now I had to pay the price. My rhythm is completely messed up, that today I was practically doing absolutely nothing useful in my office. 

I could probably go on to count luck in for ALL of my achievements in my CV. I didn't really gave my 100% in all of those, not until I'm cornered though. However along the ways, this luck of mine is actually what I would say a blessing. Atheists might say this as luck, but all of these were all because of His gracious gifts. 

I used to be an ambitious person wanting to score stuffs and get as much achievement as I can, but now I don't have that desire anymore. I have yet to find anything worth fighting these days, not even a girlfriend. I don't have the motivation, the desire, or the appetite to  fight these last years. I rely more and more to Him, but that has stopped me from having this burning ambition in my heart. At this point I'm wondering, is constantly depending on luck (blessing) is all that it takes? Am I surrendering too much that I'm actually missing out ? Is this really what He has in plan for me ? 

Its so hazy these days. I just hope I can find the answer not too late, that the things or the people I need to fight for have slipped through my fingers.