A Simple Pick Up Ride

So today after Danish class, I was just minding my own business walking to the bus stop as fast as I could since I need to be on time. But just probably 2 minutes before I got there, a car stopped by right beside me, it turns out to be my friend from Danish class. She did say she was gonna be picked up by her (i think) boyfriend by car, so I went out by myself (we usually would walk together to the bus stop).

Since it seems they were going into the same direction, I ended up being dropped right in front of my house tonight. Usually I would take 50 minutes using public transports, but tonight its only 15 minutes! I felt so happy and grateful to those two! It was a very ordinary thing to do, I mean this thing sometimes happens to me during my bachelor studies (well usually it's motorcycle). But really its a simple gesture that really made my day.

Then after arriving home I kinda remembered how bad I was at helping people I don't really know. Not long ago, I was in Jakarta Central Park Mall with my mom & dad buying some winter clothes. The thought came that we should go to the mall next door to buy some thermal clothes. After wandering around, my mom kinda met her friend out of nowhere and chatted for like 15 minutes or something. Afterwards she told me that her friends (and apparently 2 of her children) are gonna be tagging along going to the next door mall. Now at this point, this is how my brain works :

1. Introversion kicks in, reject meeting with a group of new people (and inside one car? Duh..) uncomfortably.
2. Our car can fit only 5 people, while now we are 6 peoples = not gonna be enough place.
3. My dad already has some thermal clothes from another brand, I think that would be enough.

And then its like suddenly "Aha!, I'll use excuse number 3". I told them that we already have the thermal suits so there is no need to buy another one. I lied, I should have bought one with a size fitting my body cause my dad's are gonna be one size bigger. Then I insisted that there really was no need for us to go to the next mall, so we parted ways with my mom's friends. I felt bad, but then I feel  like that's a necessary thing to do.

Back to present moment,  NOWW I THINK  I AM AN ANNOYING SCUMBAG. Introversion has pushed me to close any doors that can lead to helping others that I do not know and that sucks. I don't really deserve a pick-up ride (and I don't intent to get any). Its not really necessary to get that pick-up ride tonight, I mean the usual 50 minutes travel was acceptable. What I didn't realise was how a help can really make someone happy. My mom's friend probably doesn't really need that ride, they can take a taxi ride for a very cheap price anyways(they were carrying a lot of groceries, kinda made me felt worse).

A simple helping gesture can really makes a great day for those that we helped. That's the lesson I learned tonight. I do hope it will stick on to me so close that I would never ever reject an opportunity like that again.

Welcome! You know who you are.

Ah, if you're reading this because of a certain postcard, then this post is for you. Some weeks ago someone told me she doesn't know anything about me. So therefore I gave that someone a link to this blog. This place is really my sanctuary when all the curtains are closed and the loud world volume has been turned down. This is the place where I share things not even my close friends know of. So, feel free and browse around ! 

Against Lust

Ah today I got into the word and found this amazing writing of the Apostle Paul in Philippians 3 : 7 - 10.

7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

Such beautiful words, and I won't lie, little by little everything else seems worthless compared to the joy of having Him ruling in my heart. Compared to that joy, it seems the pleasures of porn, sex, wealth, and even position seems.. tasteless. 

I remember a while back I asked my mentor "I have this addiction to porn, how do I overcome this ?" He said just shrug it off and focus to Christ. Cause the more you love Him, my love for these pleasures will get overcomed. Tonight and for the past weeks, I think I know how that felt. Loving God and having His presence is so peaceful I don't have room for those things anymore. And even when the peace was gone, it.. just doesn't feels like worth it to have this short-term pleasure. Compared to the joy I have in my heart, even sex falls short and tastes bland. Yes it is still tasty, but not as tasty as it used to be. When I have tasted the living water, everything just falls short in comparison. I guess this is truly the work of the Holy Spirit and Christ. His regeneration is indeed.. healing. 

Friends if any of you are fighting this lust, than my advice is to serve the Lord. Wait you don't feel worthy ? Actually, you were never worthy. It is only by grace and His mercy that you received this gift of salvation. No matter how dirty, just run to Him. Whenever you fall, go cry to Him. Check yourself, what baggage do you still have in your heart? Let Him take control. Let go of those holding your heart. Because the greatest feeling I have ever felt is always when I surrender to Him. When I go to Him to kneel, cry, and let Him do His job.

A year after

It's somewhat a funny thing when I glanced my blog tonight. Well yes, I should be reading some journal papers right now but never mind that.You see, there have not been any posts for the last one year, so when I look at all my past writings it became clear what I have been thinking last year. I was lost in thought and giving my future into God's hand. I listed a lot of dreams, and somehow one of those dreams actually came true. Who knows ?

Last year I was stuck in a busy, crowded, weirdly very well organised Hong Kong. Today I stormed out and walked through my very first snow-shower of Birkerød. One thought : How Great is Our God. A dream I felt too scared to say, a PhD in an European country, really did came true.

A journey of three years in an unknown place has started. This too, adds up to the all other things that has been answered so beautifully whenever I give Him the control.


Today I really don't have any specific desires of what I should do as my long term career. Today, I just want to be drenched in sweat of serving my Lord and Father. Today,  this is my life desire :

Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. (Matthew 16:24)

When in doubt, I remember.

You know that worried feeling we get when you look around and everybody seems to be moving to their desired life and you are only sitting here confused? That's exactly the spot I am right now. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do with my life at this point of time. There. I said it. A stupid guy travelling 5 hours flight away from his home just to wonder the same question in a different timezone. 

Well okay maybe i lied a little there. The truth is, I have too many things I want to try doing in my life. I want to become an environmental consultant. I want to become a process engineer. I want to be a drilling engineer in a strange country. I want to be a management consultant with a chemical engineering expertise. I want to take a Phd in European country. I want to be a researcher in a foreign country. I want to be a technopreneur promoting a new technology in Indonesia. The list may go on if I keep imagining, but lets just cut it there. The sad thing is, I could not possibly try all of them in this lifetime. So the real question : Which path should I take ? 

Should I choose the one I enjoy the most? Well I think every path has their own fun, so thats not doable. Should I send out massive application to most of them and see the result? Sounds stupid. "If you stand for everything, you will fall for anything" some quote in the web told me. Passion? I am passionate for all of them. Kind of. So what ? Which one? What if I take this one and that one is more interesting? What if this? What if that? If you who are reading this is having the same kind of confusion about your future, you are in good company! 

So.. like how?

Then I remember.

To the time when I seem to be paralysed by an evil spirit.

To the time when I had a very chronic stomach problem that made me cannot even finish any meal served before me.

To the time when I had a severe measles a couple days away from VERY IMPORTANT graduation exams.

Never in any of those times has He failed my cry for help. During those urgent times, his help came at the perfect time.

When I was paralysed and I cried for help, his help came right away. Soothingly freeing my body through a mysterious gospel song suddenly playing out of nowhere.

When I had that stomach problem, and I wondered can I survive this disease later in my master studies abroad. Yet his healing comes at the right time. I eat so much I gained a few kilograms now.

When that measles disabled me completely from studying for the last 5 days before my graduation exam. Even thinking clearly was very hard to do because of the pain I was having. I eventually gave up trying to study and just focused on resting and praying. Thus all the pain went away hours before the exam started. I even got an A. It wasn't me, it was clearly Him. He made my mind so clear that I can get the answers so easily during the most important test of my bachelor degree. 

His help and answer will definitely come at the perfect time. I think the answer I am looking for, is just to stay calm and wait. The right time will definitely come where the path will be given to me. The path might not be the one listed in my list, but the bible says

 "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" - Proverbs 19:21 [NIV]

Keep the faith !

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21 [NIV]

A Glance to Hong Kong

It has been a very long delay in between my post, that's why I think I should start writing again. I have been living in one of Asia's heart of business, the Special Administrative Region of Hong Kong, for about 4 months. As an Indonesian who rarely travel, I automatically became an observer. Below are only the few things that catches my attention.

Figure 1. A glimpse of Hong Kong Island from Victoria Harbour

1. Skyscrapers

With only around 1104 square kilometers of land, it seems finding a place to live is going to be hard for 7,2 million residents of Hong Kong (year 2012). Maybe that's why they have tall buildings everywhere. A fun fact is these tall buildings make pollution worse in the streets, because small roads and tall walls make exhaust gases from vehicles literally trapped in our breathing level.  To my surprise, my hometown Jakarta is actually more crowded than Hong Kong (740,3 square km with resident >10 million).

2. Unfriendly Service

Not basing on any statistics, but 3 of 5 waitresses I encounter happens to be grumpy. Of course back in Indonesia, this would make me furious! We were bossing around the waiters in Indonesia, and I mean bossing. Customers can even scold waiters for not giving appropriate service. I still meet people who thinks "they should be scolded to service right". Little do they know there might just be an additional spit in their soup.

In Hong Kong, on the other hand, I would think again before asking the waiter for help. Last week I had a yam cha with my cousin, and when we asked her to cut the cake for us, she were grumbling right in front of us. Though she is talking in cantonese, I think what she said is "You ask me to do THIS KIND OF THING? You can use your chopstick to cut it yourself!" (In which she uses a chopstick to cut the soft cake and throws it angrily to the dirty dish basket). Well that pretty much sums up most Chinese restaurants in HK. Younger waiters are, in general, kinder at giving service. Its the old ones we should be careful of!

3. Never get lost

I am but just a third world country citizen who is occasionally raped by the stupid public transport system back home. A little exaggerating, but yeah you'll get the picture once you spend one month in Jakarta. In Hong Kong, I think the MTR train covers 80% of Hong Kong. Add the ba si (big bus) and siu ba (mini-bus) there, I can get anywhere by a simple browse on the internet. My friend dropped something like "In Hong Kong it is very hard to get lost, as the MTR is literally everywhere". Never bother driving a car, the public transport system is more than enough. Probably that is reason I see more Porsche and BMW in the streets, because only filthy rich people buy cars. Oh fun facts, in HK there is more BMWs than Toyotas. Yeah, What the F. 

4. Rich Javanese Maids

Don't know if I should really say rich, but if I compare their salary with fresh grads in Indonesia, they do make more. They get an average of HKD 4500 per month, free rent, free food, and weekends for vacation. In addition, their workload are fairly little. HK homes are not that big, you'll get all things done before 3 pm.  Want to sign up for becoming a HK maid?

These are really the outside skin of HK that I happen to notice. I hope I can linger more in the city to find out more of its unique features!

September 24th, 2012.

I remember 24 September 2012 like it was yesterday. It is my very first birthday lying in Santo Boromeus hospital's bed and also the third time I am hospitalized. How did I end up there? It was only because of a bowl of soto - a kind of Indonesian food - that I ate 10 minutes beforehand. I was riding a motorcycle with my friend when suddenly I feel that something is totally wrong with my body. I feel my breathing become heavier, and also a chest pain around my heart. I can feel blood is hardly pumped from my heart (which I think is a case of hypotension). Thankfully, I am actually heading to a hospital to visit a friend (and I end up getting hospitalized together, what an irony) so I go straight to the Emergency Unit. 

Birthday in hospital (true story)

It was the worst experience in my life. Have you ever felt your life is leaving you as you go ? At least, that is how I felt at that moment. Even though part of them is because of I panicking, but the fear, it is very much real.  It was at that moment that I shouted in my heart "JESUS SAVE ME" as loud as I can. 5 minutes later, I was laying helplessly in my hospital bed feeling torn apart. It took around 3 hours for me to just stand back at my two feet. I was later diagnosed as a strange case of gastritis and potassium deficiency combined together. The doctor only told me to go home, but for fear's sake (yes it is indeed a traumatic experience) he gave the option to stay at the hospital for monitoring. I took the safest choice. 

As I was spending the night there with my deteriorated body, I realize how fast it is life can be taken away from a mere human. We go on thinking that we might just live until 70-ish, even to the point of "lets do stupid things while we are young", until something like this actually happen to ourselves. At the face of death, it matters not our GPA, our fame, our position, our achievements, our lover, our parents, our house, our money, that game we have not tried yet, and all of those worldly things. Do you know what I think in that split-second ? Regrets. The things I have yet to do, and the words I have yet to say. In that regretful split-second, I pray to Him to just let me live through this. I have yet to accomplish anything ! It was then I can feel life -sort of- coming back to my body again. 

Today, it has been almost 12 months since the event. Lots of things happened in between, and I still have yet to do all the things I was thinking at that split-second. However, something else happened to myself after the incident. I gradually (not instantly) lost interest in worldly goals. Positions, achievements, college degrees, and other things does not satisfy me anymore. I shifted my passion into something less worldly, something that cannot be separated by death, something that is eternal. Achieving something did entertain me for a certain period of time, but afterwards I would feel.. "so what?". Sometimes, I hear people say that they are fighting for their own self-satisfaction. I am beginning to question are there even such a thing called self-satisfaction? It is like trying to fill in a bottomless pit. 

When death knocks on our door, what will our answer be ? Can we answer it like Paul, an apostle in the new testament, who answered, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4 : 7)" ? 

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.